You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
