My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
