Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
