Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
