we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
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Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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