I bet he comes in French.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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