I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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