He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
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