Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
