My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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