so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize