I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
