just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
