Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
