I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
