Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
