so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
