Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
