I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
