Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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