i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize