i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
