You can't motorboat a personality
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
