All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
