she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
