You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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