Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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