Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
