you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
