i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
