She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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