I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
as a side note pls kill me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
