I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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