I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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