Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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