Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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