sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
