Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
