dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Every concussion has its silver lining
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
