so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
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Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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