Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
