The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
