I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
