I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
