I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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