i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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