you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
