i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
