My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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