I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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