All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
