theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
