the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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