WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
