Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
