he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
