Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
