My friends, they love my intelligence
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
