You made me cry and you don't even care
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
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You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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