Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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