my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
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and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
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its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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