Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
