It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
