also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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